I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
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