first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
