I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
