gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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