shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
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So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
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I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption