wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
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We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
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Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.