I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.