All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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