I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
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I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
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It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.