You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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