Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
