you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
