I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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