The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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