I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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