I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
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