i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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