And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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