At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
