Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
