I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
