omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
