Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
