I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
