Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Randomize
