If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
