Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
