its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
