Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I have so many feelings about this burrito
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Randomize
