Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
