he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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