If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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