so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
