so that wasnt chicken after all
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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