The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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