He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
