I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
