Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
