You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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