shes about as inviting as chlamydia
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
