i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
