You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
