Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
