She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
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