my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
