I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
