Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I think we might need a safe word for this...
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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