I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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