You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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