is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
