this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Randomize
