oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
