he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
