Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
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