i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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