hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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