We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
