I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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