remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
