so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Enjoy the penises
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
