How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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