I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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