We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
