i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
