my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
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