come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
