I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Randomize
