Cold hands, warm shart.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
