whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
