Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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