with your own penis?
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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