In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
These tits shall not be calmed
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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