If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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