I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
