Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
