wakey wakey hands off snakey
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
