i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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