We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
