So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
