I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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