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how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
