It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
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