Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Randomize
