Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I think my fart just growled at me.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
