so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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