mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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