i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
