I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Vodka?
Forever.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
how drunk are you?
Several
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
