Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
