Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
